adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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