My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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