I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
