I have demons in me.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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