I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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