Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
