1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Drake has all the answers
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
