Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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