Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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