And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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