So drunk its hurt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
