I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
