when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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