I wish my penis had an off switch
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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