tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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