I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
