Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dick very happy bro
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
