i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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