Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize