Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
