I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
