I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
