Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i've created a new STD.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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