All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
