this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize