Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
