Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
