if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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