I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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