How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
