I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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