I think I died a long time ago.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize