walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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