It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
