you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
