I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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