can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
