Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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