i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
