Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
