I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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