All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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