just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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