Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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