Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
