I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
