After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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