I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
