I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
