i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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