using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's never too late to be topless.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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