you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
