i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
