Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
