I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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