i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
