There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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