New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
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