hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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