Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
