i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
