high people should be assigned attendants
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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