I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
