Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
