Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I need moral support for this bender
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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